what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
