he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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