So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
