my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
