Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You ruined the universe
I came so hard my ears popped.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
