He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
