South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just want nice things and good sex
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
