Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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