another moral hangover. fuck.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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