saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
