He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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