I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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