i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
