shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
