Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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