Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
