i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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