The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
