And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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