wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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