Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
