If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
