he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
