I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
