my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize