Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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