fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
