I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
