I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
