Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
