I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
