I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
