Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
