Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
