Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Actions speak louder than pants.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
