guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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