we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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