theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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