you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
