Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
