Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
and she was petting her beer can
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize