Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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