watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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