somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
