so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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