ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
