I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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