Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
