Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
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