Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
