I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize