I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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