If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
