Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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