I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
