Cold hands, warm shart.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
