i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
