omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Randomize
