I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
