yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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