you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
