he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
