Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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