He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
