My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
