I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
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