I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
