Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
