you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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