so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
