i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
