Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
