i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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