Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
