We're like a lot better than the average bears
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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