If i come over, it means nothing
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my shit smells like andre
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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