come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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