Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
