I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
